061 // uh-oh

[thatlibbychick]

[This is a voice entry. Libby has been pushing buttons on her laptop over and over without really looking, trying to hit the one that switches voice on. However, she started talking long before she hit the right button. Basically, everyone listening is starting out in the middle of a sentence. She's hysterical and crying, and her voice makes that clear.]

--medical equipment in my room, someone...someone from the infirmary needs to come take it. Syringes, scalpels, succinylcholine...an echocardiograph machine. I can't--oh god, I think I'm going to be sick--

[Sounds of retching.]

I'm sorry, so sorry...I did things, horrible things, and they're in my head I can't make them stop and everything...

[She takes in a long, deep breath.]

It's all gone wrong.

[The sound of something, maybe glass, smashing.]

Comments

Re: Spam.

[thatlibbychick.livejournal.com]

[Libby wasn't as sure of that as Martha, but she didn't say it. What would be the point? It would seem as though she'd be looking for more assurance, when that wouldn't be the case. There just wasn't a good way for her to say exactly what she was thinking, so she just nods slightly--a rather noncommittal gesture.]

I can't go help in the Infirmary, Martha. I can't even bring this equipment back. If the people I hurt are in there for treatment, there's no way I can face them.

Re: Spam.

[toldastory]

[Martha was certain of it, but she understood Libby's hesitance. This was something that was going to be far easier to address in others than it was going to be to deal with internally. Unfortunately. But Martha knows about the noncommittalness in Libby's nod and doesn't comment on it; Rome wasn't built in a day.

When Libby said that she couldn't go back to help in the infirmary, Martha was torn. There was the concern that perhaps if she didn't go back now, it would be harder for her to go back later, but at the same time she didn't want to force her friend into doing something that would be bad for her mental health.] If it helps any, I know the Master isn't... but I know that you know you can't hide from them forever.

Re: Spam.

[thatlibbychick.livejournal.com]

[She looked away when she asked her next question.]

Is Swing there? I don't know how I'd look him in the eye--he's never done anything to me and I still... [She swallows.] She still went after him.

Re: Spam.

[toldastory]

If he is there, I haven't seen him, but I didn't get a good look around at everyone. [Martha swallows.] There are a lot of people down there.

[There was a frown, when Libby said that he'd never done anything to her, and she still went after him.] I know I sound like a broken record, but you can't blame yourself for that. Really.

Re: Spam.

[thatlibbychick.livejournal.com]

It doesn't matter if I blame myself or not, or if I had no control over it. I can remember it all. I close my eyes and I see what was done to them. I can feel in my hands how it felt to do what she did.

Re: Spam.

[toldastory]

[There was a little shiver in Martha when Libby said that about remembering it all. It struck a cord, it struck a deep cord and Martha forced it away; forced herself to go still. Now she wishes that she had some sort of pysch training, anything to make her feel less helpless over this. Instead she just hugs Libby tightly, strokes her hair and softly says] I know.