061 // uh-oh
Jan. 15th, 2010 07:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
[This is a voice entry. Libby has been pushing buttons on her laptop over and over without really looking, trying to hit the one that switches voice on. However, she started talking long before she hit the right button. Basically, everyone listening is starting out in the middle of a sentence. She's hysterical and crying, and her voice makes that clear.]
--medical equipment in my room, someone...someone from the infirmary needs to come take it. Syringes, scalpels, succinylcholine...an echocardiograph machine. I can't--oh god, I think I'm going to be sick--
[Sounds of retching.]
I'm sorry, so sorry...I did things, horrible things, and they're in my head I can't make them stop and everything...
[She takes in a long, deep breath.]
It's all gone wrong.
[The sound of something, maybe glass, smashing.]
--medical equipment in my room, someone...someone from the infirmary needs to come take it. Syringes, scalpels, succinylcholine...an echocardiograph machine. I can't--oh god, I think I'm going to be sick--
[Sounds of retching.]
I'm sorry, so sorry...I did things, horrible things, and they're in my head I can't make them stop and everything...
[She takes in a long, deep breath.]
It's all gone wrong.
[The sound of something, maybe glass, smashing.]
[Spam/log? did you have someone else in mind?]
Date: 2010-01-16 12:28 am (UTC)Either is good! And I didn't have anyone in mind. :3
Date: 2010-01-16 12:30 am (UTC)Spam it is!
Date: 2010-01-16 12:36 am (UTC)Libby... [She called out quickly.] Libby it's Martha.
Re: Spam it is!
Date: 2010-01-16 12:46 am (UTC)The inside of her room looked like a hurricane had been through it. Chairs and tables were upended and breakable items had been smashed against the floor and walls. She'd torn the clothes she'd been wearing into pieces while they'd still been on her, and the shreds now littered the floor. She had later pulled on a t-shirt that was much too long and far too big for her; it fell about to her knees and it looked like she was swimming in it. It was a man's shirt, and Hurley had left it behind for her when the time had come for him to go.
She was on the floor, sobbing. Reyes had retreated to the bathroom after she started throwing things.]
Re: Spam it is!
Date: 2010-01-16 12:53 am (UTC)She opened the door quickly, ad her eyes went wide at the mess that was inside. She had expected something like this from the sounds in the background of Libby's entry, but this was just so much bloody worse. Martha moved quickly, picking her way through the bits of broken glass and twisted metal. Without hesitation, she made her way to Libby and she sunk down onto the floor next to her friend.
Gingerly, but only do to the worry about removing the stitches from her shoulder, Martha wrapped her arms around Libby and pulled her close.]
It's all right. [Her voice is soft and sad.] It's not you. What happened, it wasn't you.
Re: Spam it is!
Date: 2010-01-16 01:02 am (UTC)[She hid her face in her hands. She couldn't look at her friend and talk about this.]
You don't understand. What I did to them...what I got my Inmate to do to them...
Re: Spam it is!
Date: 2010-01-16 01:06 am (UTC)Her life isn't your life. It's not your choices, it's not you. I know it's not you, because if it were you, it wouldn't bother you so badly.
Spam it is!
Date: 2010-01-16 01:12 am (UTC)[She tried to curl up in on herself, as if she might be able to disappear if she could only make herself small enough.]
That Libby, she'd never been forced into a mental institution. That's it. If nobody had ever signed the papers against me...
["I'd be exactly the same" was how she meant to finish, but couldn't bring herself to finish that thought aloud.]
Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 01:20 am (UTC)You got better, you became who you are now. And this you? This person is not her. And will never be her now.
[When she said those words, Martha soothed a bit of Libby's hair behind her ear.] I know it. You'd never do that now.
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 01:48 am (UTC)[There. She'd admitted it, finally. She didn't know how she felt about that, or how she was supposed to feel.]
I did it for my family; I was working for their organization. They didn't put me in the institute to help me. They put me there because I broke down after my husband died. I was a liability to them. And even after I got out, even after I stopped doing that, I just did one newly awful thing after another.
[She bit her lower lip hard enough to draw blood.]
I'm a terrible person and I try so hard to keep anyone from figuring it out. I try to keep it out of my thoughts...
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 03:11 am (UTC)No. No. Listen to me, Libby. [Martha moved her fingers to race Libby's chin and look her in her eyes. She found it was very important to meet people's eyes now, because there was nothing she could do to undo this. But she wouldn't, she couldn't judge Libby for this.]
You are not a terrible person. You're a good person. You're here to help people, and to make them better. You have helped people here. You're not a terrible person. Just the fact that this is bothering you so badly is proof of that. Look at me Libby. [Martha's voice was softer now, and her stare was intent.] Do you want to hurt me? Would hurting me make you happy?
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 03:30 am (UTC)No, I don't want to do that...!
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 03:50 am (UTC)This is who we are. Right here, yeah? We're not those people. [And it was true, and Martha nodded with the words. No, it wasn't them.]
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 04:03 am (UTC)But I was so close to being just like her...one decision that was out of my control to begin with. I'm terrified.
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 04:09 am (UTC)Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 05:50 am (UTC)I can't go help in the Infirmary, Martha. I can't even bring this equipment back. If the people I hurt are in there for treatment, there's no way I can face them.
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 06:36 am (UTC)When Libby said that she couldn't go back to help in the infirmary, Martha was torn. There was the concern that perhaps if she didn't go back now, it would be harder for her to go back later, but at the same time she didn't want to force her friend into doing something that would be bad for her mental health.] If it helps any, I know the Master isn't... but I know that you know you can't hide from them forever.
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 07:00 am (UTC)Is Swing there? I don't know how I'd look him in the eye--he's never done anything to me and I still... [She swallows.] She still went after him.
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 07:43 am (UTC)[There was a frown, when Libby said that he'd never done anything to her, and she still went after him.] I know I sound like a broken record, but you can't blame yourself for that. Really.
Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 08:36 am (UTC)Re: Spam.
Date: 2010-01-16 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 12:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2010-01-16 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 01:04 am (UTC)I never tried to harm you...
no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 01:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 01:15 am (UTC)Come on, live up to your FULL POTENTIAL, Libby.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 01:17 am (UTC)[Voice][Private] - He doesn't know her last name, LOL.
Date: 2010-01-16 01:04 am (UTC)Libby, calm yourself.
[Voice][Private] - That's cool, she doesn't like it anyway xD
Date: 2010-01-16 01:06 am (UTC)I hurt people. I hurt people and I enjoyed it.
[Voice][Private]
Date: 2010-01-16 01:12 am (UTC)You have the memories of a woman who lived a life very different from yours.
[Voice][Private]
Date: 2010-01-16 01:21 am (UTC)[Voice][Private]
Date: 2010-01-16 01:27 am (UTC)You can't be responsible for every timeline.
One is quite enough.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 03:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 04:05 am (UTC)Once the Infirmary clears out, I'll ask McCoy to fix your hand. I'm not your master, Soubi. I don't want to own you.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 04:10 am (UTC)...You don't want to own me anymore. Why should the end of a slight personality change mean that?
no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 04:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 04:17 am (UTC)I'm still your Warden, but I can't be anyone's master. Not even yours.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 04:19 am (UTC)